Author: Dr Hezekiah Herrera, Ed.D. (USA)

linkedin.com/hezekiahherrera

 

As a California-based K-12 Education Specialist, Special Education Teacher, educational researcher, and author of inclusive children's books like Maya Finds Her Voice, Words That Wiggle, and Tommy's Two Truths, I have ongoing conversations about fostering empathy on a daily basis.

 

While a clinical perspective provides a good perspective, the everyday realities of developing empathy occur in both the classroom and the living room. I've provided some of my practical, age-based approaches on how parents can have these important conversations.

1. Creating a Conversation based on Age Group

2 to 5 year olds...

At this stage, children are very aware of their surroundings and are beginning to observe and recognize the world around them. They don't yet have the vocabulary to describe complex ideas. At this age, keep the conversation simple, non-judgmental, and focus on the differences that are easily observed.

Explain that everyone learns, plays, and moves differently.

Connect it to things the children already understand. "Some people wear glasses because they can help them see better. Just like some people need glasses to see, some people have brains that tell their bodies to move in different ways. For people with dyspraxia, their brain tells their body to move, but there is a lot of communication happening, and sometimes that communication can be slow or not clear. This can make things such as tying shoes or catching a ball much harder to accomplish than for other kids."

6 to 10 years old…

At this age, children begin to develop a sense of what is fair and to understand the basic biology behind why some people learn or perform in different ways.

Teach the basics of neurodiversity and introduce specific terms, including motor planning.

Use the "Traffic Jam" Analogy. "Dyspraxia is like having a traffic jam between the brain and the body. The brain has made up its mind as to what it wants the hands or feet to do, but the message is getting hung up somewhere along the line. They are not less intelligent or less capable; they simply have to find alternative paths to get the task accomplished."

11+

Pre-teens and teenagers are extremely interested in social dynamics, identity, and what others perceive of them. Therefore, as they enter pre-teenhood, conversations with this age group should shift toward self-advocacy, recognising ableism, and understanding the social model of disability (that society is the one creating barriers, not the disability itself).

Talk about the invisible nature of dyspraxia, such as the exhaustion caused by continuously trying to mask themselves or putting in extra effort to complete physical tasks. Ask open-ended questions: "How do you think it would feel if someone assumed that a friend who had dyspraxia was just being clumsy all the time?" "What could be a better way to help them?"

 

2. Language shapes our reality, especially for young children still developing their worldview.

Use neutral, descriptive language. Language such as: neurodivergent, support needs, accommodations, and motor differences. Let the individual with the disability define whether they prefer person-first ("child with dyspraxia") or identity-first ("dyspraxic child") language.

Eliminate language that stems from pity or deficit.

Examples of language to eliminate include: "suffering from," "struck by," or "confined to a wheelchair." Also, avoid using positive spin language that attempts to hide or reduce the negative effects of a disability, such as "differently-abled" or "special needs" (these often hide and stigmatise the true extent of disability). A disability is not inherently a bad thing; we need to normalise saying it.

3.  Language shapes our reality, especially for young children still developing their worldview.

When a child points, stares, or says something loud and inappropriate (e.g., "Why is that kid walking so funny?"), Parents often panic and shush them. Shushing teaches a child that disability is shameful and taboo.

If a child says something, walk over calmly and explain, "He is moving his body in a way that works for him. Everyone's body is unique in how it moves." If the child said something hurtful, explain the impact to the child without making the child ashamed: "I know you were just feeling curious, but calling someone by that name hurts their feelings. We can call it whatever he is doing to find his own way to do it."

4. Normalising disability should be a part of a child's everyday environment, not a once-a-year lecture.

Auditing your children's book and media diet because representation matters. Ensure that your child sees representation of neurodiverse characters whose disability is part of their lives, not the main plotline. (This was why I wrote my children's book—to create mirrors for children with support needs and windows for their peers).

Create an environment in your home where all family members have access to tools and accommodations that are seen as necessary for everyone. Tools such as fidgets, visual schedules, step stools, and sensory-friendly environments should be used and viewed as necessary for everyone's success, not just for the child with a disability. When everyone views accommodations as tools for success, instead of seeing them as necessary only for the child with disabilities, stigma disappears.